


she has a hunched back and crumpled wings, would someone give her a chance to live her life already?

by kryptid_with_a_k



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, i decided to post this because maybe someone else would get something out of it too, im just emotional okay, this is really just self introspective tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryptid_with_a_k/pseuds/kryptid_with_a_k
Summary: This is really self introsepctive. I'm so sorry for this character analysis self analysis dump. Also, some season 5 spoilers. Rated T for some slight language.You’re doing this because you’re better than her. You’re doing this because you don’t need her, and you’re showing her how strong you are without her by climbing to the top and laughing in her face once you defeat her puny little band of rebels once and for all, you tell yourself. Just as you’re ready to face the day, you groan as Scorpia reports another failed mission. You slam your hands on the console in front of you, fed up. “We are going to defeat Adora, if it’s the last thing I do,” you growl menacingly. Scorpia gives you that look, the one that means she feels bad for you but won’t say anything, and you lose it. You start grabbing things and throwing them, ripping them up into little tiny shreds, anything to make the voices in your head stop. You don’t need Adora, your thoughts hiss at you. You don’t need her.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Kudos: 15





	she has a hunched back and crumpled wings, would someone give her a chance to live her life already?

**Author's Note:**

> yes this story has one of those titles with all lowercase, I did this because that’s just my vibe tonight, ya dig?

_You’re doing this because you’re better than her. You’re doing this because you don’t need her, and you’re showing her how strong you are without her by climbing to the top and laughing in her face once you defeat her puny little band of rebels once and for all,_ you tell yourself. Just as you’re ready to face the day, you groan as Scorpia reports another failed mission. You slam your hands on the console in front of you, fed up. “We are _going_ to defeat Adora, if it’s the last thing I do,” you growl menacingly. Scorpia gives you that _look_ , the one that means she feels bad for you but won’t say anything, and you lose it. You start grabbing things and throwing them, ripping them up into little tiny shreds, anything to make the voices in your head stop. _You don’t need Adora,_ your thoughts hiss at you. _You don’t need her._

It turns out that you really do need her.

You spent your entire life thinking that Adora was the best thing ever. It’s even built into her name: Adore-a. And you really did adore her. She brought you out of the shadows and made you speak. She was your only friend when no one cared about you. She was brave, and funny, and you loved her for that. You loved that she was always there for you.

Until she wasn’t.

When she left, it hadn’t really sunk in at first. It hadn’t sunk in that the one person you prioritized most in life didn’t feel the same way you did about her. You got mad, and you ripped and threw things and had a tantrum like a child because you didn’t know any better. All you knew was that _it hurt_ when Adora was gone, and you wanted the pain to stop.

It never stopped like that.

The pain didn’t stop for a long time. It kept on coming, and coming. Hordak left you in pieces that you hurriedly picked back up and stuck together with rubber cement. Double Trouble broke you back into pieces and threw you down a ravine. And Horde Prime did all that and then rearranged your pieces so that you were no longer you.

But after all that time, Adora did still care. She came back to save you, and fought against the “you” that Horde Prime controlled, and when you woke up and saw her there you froze. There she was, the most important person in your entire life, coming back for you like you mattered. You were confused. You were angry, like you always are. You can’t help it. Being angry is better than being vulnerable, so you’re angry more often than you’re vulnerable. Life just happened this way.

And then, Adora gets angry. She gets angry that you’re angry, and she gets angry because she deserves to be angry. You never wanted to climb to the top, did you? You never wanted to shove it into her face that you were better than her. You wanted to climb your way to the top _with_ her. You wanted to be with her no matter where she went. She could have thrown herself off of a cliff just because she wanted to and you would have followed wordlessly, because it was Adora. And you have always adored Adora, just as her name suggests.

After Entrapta takes out your chip, you learn something. Bow and Glimmer (who you refuse to call by name, which pisses her off and never ceases to make you laugh internally) are okay with you. You don’t know what crazy witchcraft Adora pulled on them, but they seem to be fine with you. It’s like they _understand._ You shake your head and scoff when the thought first comes to mind. _What would they know about the horrors I lived through?_ you think. _What would they know about losing someone important to them?_

Apparently, they know plenty. You remember that Glimmer’s mother sacrificed herself to save Etheria. You remember when Glimmer first became queen and practically lost her mind because of it. You remember that Bow always has to be smiley and cheerful, and that it’s truly impossible to be so carefree for long. You remember times when you heard his voice crack, and saw his facade slip. You know that both of them are different from you, but the pain they’ve experienced isn’t made up. You didn’t suffer more or less than them, you just suffered in a different way than they did.

You decide that being a part of their stupid Best Friends Squad really isn’t so bad, especially when Adora gives you _that grin_ that you know means she’s absolutely beaming. You decide to play along to appease her, among other reasons. 

Everything was going well until you see _her_ again. Shadow Weaver. Her hair doesn’t float anymore, and her mask is cracked. She looks like… a shadow of her former self, unironically. You don’t know how to feel about her. She hurt you and used you and made you feel like you were worthless. You got rid of her just to see her again. _Of course_ , you think to yourself. _I can’t have one little thing._

You still adore Adora though, and if she’s okay with it, you’re going to have to accept it. Of course, you won’t accept it without a fight. You decide to keep an eye on her, because nobody else will. _Nothing is going to change unless I pave the way myself,_ you think to yourself. _This little Rebellion really did need your cunning wit and skill after all._

Adora can’t keep doing this. 

You treasure Adora in ways that she can’t even fathom. You treasure her like a crow would treasure a shiny trinket it found on the ground. You treasure her like a penguin treasures its mate. You shake your head at the thought, because penguins never change their mates. Adora is _not_ your mate. She isn’t _anything_ to you. Not anymore.

So why do you need her so damn much?

Technically, everyone needs her. She’s She-Ra. And She-Ra is everyone’s last hope. Shadow Weaver tells Adora that only She-Ra can survive the failsafe, and you don’t want her to go. You don’t know what’s going to happen to her. You lost her so long ago, and you didn’t understand, and you _hurt_. You picked at your pain from her leaving like they were scabs. You kept picking at them and picking at them until you knew they were going to leave a scar. Instead of letting that scar form, you just kept picking at your scabs because you’d rather see your scab than a scar. Scabs can hurt as much as they want, but scars last forever. A scar would have reminded you of Adora when you thought you didn’t need her, so you picked at your scabs. 

But now, you finally understand. You don’t want her to go. 

It doesn’t always have to be her that has to sacrifice everything. Adora could _die,_ and she’s okay with it just because she wants to save everyone else. Adora _has_ to want something, just like how _you_ want _her._

You know that she could never want you the way that you want her, but for once in your life, you need Adora to understand that she is worth more than being a vessel for other people’s joy. Other people are important (like how you _know_ Adora is more important than you), but she has the right to choose what she wants and be happy, just for the hell of it. She sees herself like one of Sea Hawk’s horrible boats: disposable and awfully flammable. But you know that Adora is more than just another boat to set on fire. She can’t keep sacrificing herself even if it saves her passengers. Her passengers will be sad that she crashed. The people who built the boat will be sad that she crashed. So many people will be sad that she crashed, and she has to know that. You pull and beg and wish that she would come with you and know that she’s more than Sea Hawk’s stupid boats: she’s a whole fleet.

But she accepts the stupid failsafe. She listens to Shadow Weaver and brushes you off and you run. You run and run and run like there’s no tomorrow. _I hate her_ , you try to tell yourself. _I hate her, I hate her, I hate her._ It doesn’t work, but you think that maybe if you keep telling yourself that, it’ll hurt less. You can’t do anything about your problems except run away from them. You tried to be brave and strong like her, but you’re not her.

So you run.

You run away, and a literal cat attached to your emotions brings you back to Etheria. You can’t keep thinking that things will go the way you want them to at first. You have to pick yourself back up and brush off the dust to keep trying. You have to keep trying to get her to understand, even if she doesn’t want you the way you want her.

You’d rather have her still here and not want you like that than not have her at all.

So you go back, and you see that Shadow Weaver has her. You have to fend off some stupid beast, and you really don’t trust Shadow Weaver with Adora. You let them go anyway, because you have to fight off the monster before it can kill all three of them. 

It happens in a blur. Adora is weak and she comes back. Shadow Weaver tells you to bring Adora to the Heart. You see her mask break off and she does something good. She does _one good thing_ _in her life,_ just like how Glimmer asked you if you wanted to do _one good thing in your life._ You don’t know how to feel, but it isn’t good. You feel your stomach churning, like it’s going to explode. She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. She doesn’t deserve Adora’s forgiveness. She shouldn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness. 

She did _one good thing in her life,_ and since you’re running out of time, you decide that you need to hurry. You can deal with this Shadow Weaver crap later.

You take her to the Heart, and you lose her. You see the ugly green veins that are Horde Prime’s telltale sign. You see that her eyes are closed, that her breathing is so slow that most people wouldn’t even be able to tell that she was alive. You see all of this happening, and start to cry.

Adora is your number one thing in the entire world. You tried to tell yourself it wasn’t true, but you couldn’t hide it forever. She means the world to you, and you can’t lose her. 

Not like this.

You hold her and you cry. You sob, begging her to wake up. She may have the job of saving the world, but long before all of this She-Ra garbage, her job was being there for you.

And you’ll be damned if she isn’t there for you after this.

You hold her close to you, and you feel yourself reaching for her. She can’t die in your arms. She has to stay alive so you can look at her stupid face and tell her that she’s your number one. That you’d jump off a cliff for her if she wanted you to.

When she opens her eyes, you tell her, and you’re ready to admit defeat and feel your heart drop in your chest.

But your heart doesn’t drop, and you don’t have to admit defeat after all. She says that she loves you too, and your entire world turns inside out on itself.

_Adora loves you, Adora loves you, Adora loves you._ The thought rings through your head as the world ends around you. You become so overwhelmed with emotion that you just…

You kiss her, like you always dreamed you would one day. 

And she kisses you back, and it doesn’t matter that Etheria is in danger right now. It doesn’t matter that everyone’s life is in jeopardy, because you’re kissing Adora, and she’s kissing you, and you feel so full and complete.

She ends up saving the world. Horde Prime is somehow dead. The Rebellion won. 

You told yourself you didn’t need her a thousand times.

You’re glad that you never listened, because you did need her.

And she needed you.

And for once in your life, you’re satisfied. You have Adora, and she wants you like you want her, and no one is in danger anymore. Horde Prime is gone. Shadow Weaver is gone. It’s going to take a while to discuss things and even understand fully what happened, but for now, you’re okay.

Because you have Adora, and you adore her, as much as you hate to admit it.


End file.
